At what point do we become adults? I find that I keep coming up to major life changes too soon. Not unprepared mind you, just as if I'd drawn my number from the deli line so long ago I'm shocked to hear them get to me. Wasn't it just last week that I was hoping Doug would take me to Homecoming and Meg was dying my hair some strange shade of Aubergine?
This isn't in response to the growing realization that I'm some one's mommy. I think it is because Sloan and I have really created our own family. Separate from the Johnsons and the Phillips before us. We've reached that point where officially we are an "us" and those lovely folks we visit at the holidays are a "them." Kind, familiar, lovable--but them. And when we are with "them," it is difficult to be "us." I can't be alone in this. You get together with your family and suddenly you're ten and fighting for attention, or fighting to be left alone. And the truth is that none of us are the children we grew up with. Sure, temperaments are fairly the same, but most of the rough spots have been smoothed over by hurts and lessons learned and our strengths tempered with maturity. I was not an introvert as a child, but have grown into one.
When the heck did all this happen?
I first noticed it about 6 weeks ago. Sloan and I had gone down to my parents' house for my Mom's birthday and I got sick. I ran down the stairs upset and both Sloan and my mom came running to my aid. Burying my face in Sloan's chest I cried,"I don't want you. I want Sloan." When did this stinky boy I married get better at taking care of me than my mom? Does this hurt her feelings? Or is it a natural, healthy progression?
Will I resent the woman that Henry will cling to, saying, "I laid on my head for weeks on end to bring him to you?"
2 comments:
This is the strongest woman I have ever known
Elizabeth, let me first say how proud I am of the strong, courageous mother that you already have become from being in the hospital to keep Henry safe and in-the-womb. With that being said, remember I was a chem major and I am not as gifted with words as you. I love your blog and I am so thankful you have taken the time to keep those of us far away updated on your progress. Your gift of verse has always entertained me and made me think. I completely understand what you are feeling here and often wonder the same thing. Reminding my husband to treat his mother well, because this is the example he is setting for our kids and how they will treat me one day. Take care of yourself, Henry and (as much as you can) Sloan. Please know you are in the Cowleys' thoughts and prayers daily.
Love ya,
Janell
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