I think he is a soccer player

Last night I was concerned that I was having contractions as my back was aching and I had recurring abdominal pains roughly every 10 minutes. They put me on the monitors and while I wasn't having contractions, the nurse had to keep moving the monitor for Henry as he was even more active than normal. Turns out that I wasn't having contractions, just that Henry decided to shift sides and practice his kung fu all at the same time. I tried to tell him that it was disrespectful of him to kick mommy so hard, but then I remembered I told him he was allowed to move around in there as much as he wanted to as long as he didn't move out.

30 down. 10 (hopefully 8) more to go

How else do you celebrate 30 weeks? With a steak dinner, of course! Tonight I will be dining on filet and veggie kabobs. Yummo. (OK, I watch too much Rachel Ray.)

Henry is doing well. He now weighs 3 lbs, 7 0z and remains quite the wiggler. He also gets the hiccups a lot. It is very funny to watch on the ultrasound. My cervix has closed a little bit, yet remains dilated at 2 cm. Because of my ear infections, the doctors will wait another week to give Henry's lungs another steroid booster.

Besides Henry being healthy, the other big news is the addition of 2 new privileges. I am now allowed to lay flat and potty in the bedside commode!!!! It's still not using the toilet, but it beats the heck out of the bedpan.

My doctor joked, "Wouldn't it be funny if I ended up having to induce you at 41 weeks?" I said, "Um, there will be no 41 weeks. If I make it to 36 weeks, we will be setting an appointment for an induction at 38 weeks." Yes, yes. I use to judge "those women" who had elective inductions so it was more convenient. But God has a way of making me eat my words... Hopefully, Henry will arrive sometime between Mother's Day and Memorial Day.

In Print

In addition to being in the hospital for close to six weeks, I've decided to become a model. Actually, a couple of the nurses have written a journal article on fighting depression in antepartum patients and are presenting it this summer in Orlando to some national medical group and they need pictures of a patient participating in some of the things they recommend--knitting, massages, pedicures, playing on the computer, etc. Apparently, I am the only patient in the antepartum wing who does all of these things. I think this is also why some of the nurses have confessed that I'm the most easy-going and cooperative patient they have. I tried to explain that this is completely out of character for me, that I'm not known for obedience, but they don't believe it. One of the phlebotomist (the people who come to draw my blood every 3 days at 6 am) commented that I'm never grumpy and always nice to her. I explained that I try to be nice to the people who stab me with sharp needles.

On a different note, I am very excited that America chose Laura and Max to be Sandy and Danny on Broadway on the show "Grease: You're the One that I Want."

Ninja Warrior

Sloan and I spent a wonderful weekend watching movies and TV. We watched my all time favorite movie, Charade (with Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn), loads of Clean Sweep and Flip this House. We also found a new kick-butt show called "Ninja Warrior." It's a Japanese obstacle course show with English subtitles. There are all these crazy people hurling themselves around logs, over boulders, and up walls. Many of them wear ridiculous costumes. There were several men in traditional Japanese thongs, a couple guys in business suits, a cheerleader, Superman, and a guy in a leopard print unitard whom the announcer kept calling "the strongest transvestite in Japan." It's on the G4 network and it rocks!!

Sloan bought Henry's car seat and stroller on Saturday. He brought in the car seat for me to see. It is sitting on the couch in my room, waiting for my sweet Henry to arrive. (Hopefully it will be waiting at least 7 more weeks.)

I also somehow acquired a double ear infection. My doctor had to hunt down an otiscope as it's not a common instrument for an OB/GYN to carry. But they've got me on antibiotics and they hurt less today than they did yesterday.

Who's Your Daddy?

Today was a good day. My fingernails and toes are lovely. I felt a bit like a celebrity having the manicurist come to me. And since I was admitted to the hospital on the day she shaved her head, I liken myself to Britney. In rehab maybe. Except not so trashy. My toenails are OPI Red and my fingernails are a nude pink called "Who's Your Daddy?" I picked it for the name alone. In honor of Britney.

I also have once again fallen completely in love with Sloan. He is adorable. He calls me regularly, gasping, "I need my wife!" And after much TV watching, I've found a TV dad that reminds me of my wonderful man. They both adore their wives, are funny, and fabulous daddies to their kids--the perfect combination of silly and strict. So those are their similarities. But there are differences as well, which I'll give you as clues so you can guess who is Sloan's act-a-like. #1. Bad sweaters. #2. Sloan is white. #3. Sloan is not an OB. That's right--I'm married to Cliff Huxtable!!! Sloan took this as a a compliment. I mean who doesn't like Bill Cosby!!

Yeah for Grooming

What's a sure thing to perk a girl up? A MANI-PEDI!!! After spending much time trying to organize my spa services, the day has finally come for me to do bed rest in style with a manicure and pedicure. So please, no calls tomorrow at 3:30.

It was interesting to explain my predicament to the girl at the Spa who is coming. She was concerned about massaging my legs and so I decided to let the sweet girl in on a few things. I said, "Um, yeah that's fine--but just know that I can't get out of bed." She seemed to be okay with that. Is it bad that I didn't explain that I only shave my legs now on Mondays and that I can't even do that very well? Or is it worse that I didn't tell her that I don't wear pants?

Should be interesting.

Deflated

No new privileges.

My cervix is still dilated. In fact, I'm about a cm more dilated than last week at 2.3 cm. So I'm on my head for at least another week. But Henry is doing well. He appears larger (they didn't do measurements) and also does not appear to have much hair yet. And he is quite the wiggler.

29 weeks...

I am still waiting for Dr. Troyer to stop by to give me an ultrasound. Dr. Murray (my regular OB/GYN) stopped by and applauded me for my low blood sugar and Henry's activity level. Apparently, I am her star patient. She did, however, tell me she'd be prescribing physical therapy and suggesting a nanny for helping me with Henry as I will be very weak from having been in bed for months. I'm a little bit sad about this as I'm not going to want to share Henry with anyone and also with the realization that I'm going to be too weak to take care of him on my own.

On a different note, I've had the opportunity to watch a bunch of baby having TV shows and every time the parents always say, "We just want our child to be happy." Maybe I'm reading to much into this or have become a cynic, but I just think this is a dumb thing to single out as the ONE thing you want for your child. Is this me being oversensitive or is this really an unrealistic expectation shaped by a hedonist and impatient culture? If I had to pick ONE thing for Henry--it sure as heck wouldn't be happiness. I think it would be for him to know he is loved. And then maybe for him to be honest and to have a sense of humor. Seems to me you'd be better off wishing a character trait for your child, because, let's face it--happiness is too dependent on outside circumstances. And there are so many things so much better than happy--joyful, hilarious, proud, satisfied. OK, I feel a bit like Tobey MacGuire in the movie Pleasantville right now.

Sure, I'd love for Henry to be happy, but wouldn't wishing him patience serve him better? Sloan and I know better than most that Tom Petty is right--waiting is the hardest part.

I'd like to thank the Academy...

In the movie "America's Sweethearts," Allan Arkin plays this granola guru with crazy sayings (Life is a cookie, for example) who teaches John Cusack to name the things he is grateful for when life gets harried. I think this is a good idea, however, I do not think simply being thankful is enough. In the end, we all have Someone to be thankful to. There are so many moments for which we all are grateful, and yet I fear that we rarely say thank you to the appropriate parties. It would be a shame to simply lump all good things together and say, "I thank God for being good to me." (Though not to acknowledge this would be shameful as well.) So I want to specifically acknowledge some of the things that I am grateful for.

1. I thank Sloan for doing all of my laundry, making sure that I have sugar-free stuff in my fridge, and for uncomfortably cuddling with me in my hospital bed.
2. I thank Nurse Donna for teaching me how to use the bedpan all by myself like a big girl.
3. I thank Nurse Khristine for making me laugh, helping me with my knitting, and just being the all around bestest nurse in the whole world. I thank her too for telling me my belly is cute.
4. I thank Drs. Tidey, Murray, Troyer, and Love for their understanding of a mom's need to see her baby and supplying Sloan and me with over 20 different ultrasound photos.
5. I thank William, Sarah Grace, Caroline, and Natalie Johnson for drawing me loads of pictures to decorate my room with. And thanks to my great sister-in-law, Pam, for mailing them to me.
6. I thank Kate and Lee Cross, Chris McMahon, Heather Oberle, and my parents for bringing me soft toilet paper.
7. I thank the Hale family for bringing me loads of books and a computerized Sudoku game.
8. I thank Steve and Marti Shelby for bringing me communion.
9. I thank Sonya and Blair Collins for working on Henry's nursery and also John and Kaden Reece for putting Henry's crib together.

I know there are more people I need to thank out there, but they're playing the music and this gold statue is a lot heavier than it looks...

HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY WILLIAM!!!!

Yesterday, my beloved nephew and Godson turned eleven. And he is amazing. He races boxcars in his scout troop and actually does the work himself. He's an avid outdoor enthusiast spending lots of time fishing, boating, and shooting with his dad, my brother, Bill, and his two grandfathers. All this and he still manages to lovingly deal with the antics of his three younger sisters. I do so hope that Henry grows into the kind young man that William is. He's even smart! He asked for a book for his birthday. Can you tell I'm the proud Auntie?

Happy Birthday Stef!

How 'bout them VCU Rams?!! Let's go TARHEELS!

Oh, how I love Fridays! I've had a massage, a shower, and Sloan will be here all weekend!! And I spent the whole morning napping.

I have now been in the hospital for one month. All the doctors are pleasantly surprised that I have kept labor at bay this long. They keep telling me that I'm doing a great job. I suppose that all of my lolling prior to my admission to the hospital was just training for the serious lolling I'm doing now. I have, however, become quite the self-sufficient patient. I've mastered the bedpan, moving my bed up and down, maneuvering my 8 pillows without any falling on the floor, and I do all of this with my bed tilted to a 30 degree angle.

I'm Hungry

I think Henry is having a growth spurt, which is a double-edged sword, as we are still figuring out my diabetic diet and I spent most of yesterday hungry. The cafeteria messed up my menu, sending me regular food, so there were large portions of things on my tray that I could not eat. But I've discovered that I like sugar free Carnation Instant breakfast and that has helped (it also helps meet my chocolate needs). I've had more snacks so that has helped. It is a bit like I'm on the South Beach diet.

I still miss Sloan. A lot. Bunches and bunches.

Missing Carbs and my doctors

Yesterday's ultrasound went well. My fluids are fine; Henry is wonderful (he now weighs 2 lbs 10 oz), and my cervix is still dilated 1.5 cm. However, because both my doctors (the obstetrician and the maternal-fetal medicine specialist) are on Spring Break--the doctors covering me this week do not feel comfortable giving me any new privileges. One of the nurses said, "So, I hear they may let you up to go to the bathroom." I said, "Um, yeah, I started that rumor." So it is with great anticipation that Henry and I await the return of Drs. Murray and Troyer.

I also have been doing well with my finger pricks and blood sugar. But I desperately miss carbs, drinking the whole carton of milk, fruit, and regular Coke. I don't think I realized how sugar and carb heavy the hospital diet was until now. Basically when I have a snack I get to choose between cheese cubes and cheese cubes. But I love my cheese, so at least I'm not lactose intolerant.

Still Lovin' Bacon at 28 weeks

YEAH!!!! We have made it to our first goal of 28 weeks. My next goal is 30 weeks--March 27th.

Today has been the first day of my " Non-concentrated Sugars" diet. And they forgot my bacon again at breakfast, so I had the nurse order me some and I had it for my mid-morning snack. It has also been my first day of finger pricks to test my blood sugar and so far so good. The doctor does not believe that I'll need to take pills or shots. So this is good.

Also, my cable came back on today after lunch so I am once again able to watch Guiding Light.

I'm still waiting for Dr. Love to drop by for my weekly ultrasound. I am hoping things are either the same or better with my cervix so that they let me lay flat for a couple of hours a day. But for now I'll look forward to Bacon-wrapped scallops from Capitol Ale House. Yummy!

I love bacon

Today has been a laundry list of annoyances.

For starters, I did not sleep well because I dreamt all night about giving blood. Seriously, I was at the movies with Martin Lawrence when my church's Associate Pastor came to draw my blood. I think I dreamt this because today was also my three hour blood sugar test. This began with a 6 am blood draw, followed by chugging even more yucky orange soda. Then I tried to go back to sleep before my next blood draw, but spent most of that first hour with my head in the trashcan afraid I was going to throw up and then have to drink the Glucola again. Then I had blood draws at 8:15, 9:15, and again at 10:15. I was able to sleep between the 2nd and 3rd draws, so that was good. (Although it meant I slept through the Today show.)

Secondly, because of the blood test, I had to wait to have my breakfast until 10:30. AND THEY FORGOT MY BACON!!!! It took every ounce of courage not to cry when I lifted the lid to my breakfast and saw half of my plate empty. You have to understand--breakfast is the one meal here at the hospital that is always good because every day I get my two slices of yummy pork fat goodness. And because I ate breakfast so late, the nurse couldn't call down to the cafeteria for more bacon.

Thirdly, as if the bacon debacle wasn't enough, I find out that I do have gestational diabetes. So far they will be adjusting my diet before they do anything else. If you visit me, you could be the beneficiary of this as I'm giving away the pounds of chocolate I've accrued while being here. When the dietitian came to work out my menu with me, we actually discovered that my sugar intake probably increased since being in the hospital because most of the stuff I buy for Sloan and me is low-carb and until the hospital, I didn't have dessert with every meal.

And lastly, my cable went out around 2:3o today and remains out. I missed my Guiding Light, but hopefully it will be back on for Heroes tonight. Thank God for my laptop and Elliot Reid, my wonderful Webkinz.

Hee Hee and Willie Wonka

Sloan and I had a relaxing weekend. We watched this really groovy Lamaze video. First of all, this DVD was obviously dubbed from a VHS tape made in the late 70s/early 80s. Seondly, basically everyone--women and men--had mullets and short shorts on. There also was a man who looked just like Billie Dee Williams. Nothing like child labor with Lando Calrissian. Sloan and I decided that it actually is a good thing we couldn't take this class in person as we are not mature enough. The instructor said things like..."Concentrate on your special place"..."Stroke it out"...and "You can use both hands." When she started teaching one of the breathing techniques and said "Make the pattern hee hee blow" Sloan and I just lost it.

Sloan is the best husband in the whole world. This weekend he brought me clean laundry, helped the nurse change my linens, watched HGTV with me, hung up pictures in my room, fetched me water, and even helped empty and clean my bedpan. He even sung the Willie Wonka song each time he did this because the gloves they use in my room are blue and look like Johnny Depp's gloves. He certainly is my favorite.

Sugar Sweet

Yesterday morning I took my gestational diabetes test. For those of you that don't know, they make you chug this sticky sweet orange soda and then come back in an hour to draw blood to check your blood sugar. Unfortunately, I did not pass my first blood test so I will do another version of this with 3 hourly blood draws on Monday.

I also learned that I am not going to eat any more pineapple for the remainder of my pregnancy. I spent most of last night sick. I was very thankful that Sloan was here to help the nurses take care of me. I also think the internal noises of me getting sick scared Henry because he went crazy practicing some sort of uterine kung fu which did not help matters. But Henry and I are doing well now.

Roker Love

A big shout out to my friend Tracy for pointing me to http://www.roker.com/. It's a website for all things Al and wonderful. There are even Al Roker baby clothes that I'm going to order that I'm sure will look lovely on Henry.

Friday morning Al almost lost it when Natalie reported on a woman who knit a sweater out of her cat's shed hair. I think I'm going to write him to let him know how he makes my day and makes my hospital stay easier. Hopefully it will be better than the letter I wrote Ellen DeGeneres after taking an Ambien.

At what point...

At what point do we become adults? I find that I keep coming up to major life changes too soon. Not unprepared mind you, just as if I'd drawn my number from the deli line so long ago I'm shocked to hear them get to me. Wasn't it just last week that I was hoping Doug would take me to Homecoming and Meg was dying my hair some strange shade of Aubergine?

This isn't in response to the growing realization that I'm some one's mommy. I think it is because Sloan and I have really created our own family. Separate from the Johnsons and the Phillips before us. We've reached that point where officially we are an "us" and those lovely folks we visit at the holidays are a "them." Kind, familiar, lovable--but them. And when we are with "them," it is difficult to be "us." I can't be alone in this. You get together with your family and suddenly you're ten and fighting for attention, or fighting to be left alone. And the truth is that none of us are the children we grew up with. Sure, temperaments are fairly the same, but most of the rough spots have been smoothed over by hurts and lessons learned and our strengths tempered with maturity. I was not an introvert as a child, but have grown into one.

When the heck did all this happen?

I first noticed it about 6 weeks ago. Sloan and I had gone down to my parents' house for my Mom's birthday and I got sick. I ran down the stairs upset and both Sloan and my mom came running to my aid. Burying my face in Sloan's chest I cried,"I don't want you. I want Sloan." When did this stinky boy I married get better at taking care of me than my mom? Does this hurt her feelings? Or is it a natural, healthy progression?

Will I resent the woman that Henry will cling to, saying, "I laid on my head for weeks on end to bring him to you?"

My Son and My Elephant Rock (27 weeks)

My usual Tuesday ultrasound got postponed until today and Dr. Troyer was very pleased. My amniotic fluid is perfectly fine. Sweet Henry has plenty of room to wiggle around in. He currently weighs 2 lbs 5 oz and is is the average 27 week size in all of his measurements, save for his femur bones which are average for a 28 week old. So he will be tall like his wonderful daddy. He even posed perfectly for us and I have some new profile pictures. My cervix is also looking better; I am now roughly only 1.3 cm dilated. Dr. Troyer said she felt like she won the lottery with my ultrasound. Because of this, I'm going to only 1 ultrasound a week and I get to have three 2 minute seated showers a week.

Today I also had the nurse rearrange my room. My left hip had begun to bruise from laying on it all the time, so they moved me so that I can see the TV from either side. Very exciting.

I've also become addicted to my Webkinz, Elliot Reid. I've started decorating his room, playing in the arcade, feeding him, jewel hunting, and he even gets a job to do everyday.

A big shout out to my sister, Sonya, my niece, Rachel, and my friend Blair for working in Henry's nursery and hanging his curtains.

Hitting the Wall

It finally happened. This past weekend I decided that it sort of sucks to be in the hospital. Mainly I just miss Sloan. I balled my eyes out last night when he left to go home, clutching at him begging him to stay. My parents were also in town over the weekend which seemed to stress me out from disrupting my routine.

I have also decided to become crotchety. Not mean, per se, but I've come to the conclusion that I don't have the energy to lay on my head while trying to not go into labor and try to please everybody. I have begun to play the "because I'm in the hospital trying to keep my son alive card" without guilt. Basically this means I no longer feel compelled to entertain my guests other than offering them a chair and a Twizzler. I'm pretty sure that this is healthy.
I also think that my breakdown could have been from Al Roker withdrawal. This morning he was on Paradise Island tubing and swimming with dolphins. Bonus points for Al for giving me the weather whilst wearing a wet suit!

Sloan and I are also proud to announce the adoption of our Webkinz Elephant, Elliot Reid. My brother's children sent the adorable stuffed Internet pet to me and came up with the name Elliot. We added the Reid in honor of Dr. Elliot Reid on the TV show Scrubs, except our Elliot Reid is a boy. I went to the website to register him today and played some games with him, all of which were too difficult for me. (I am choosing to blame this on my lack on mouse and having to use my laptop's touch pad.)
Today I also tackled shaving my legs for the first time since being admitted. As I did it while laying in bed, it was quite a challenge.
Today I laughed because scientists are stupid. Apparently some Spanish scientists just learned that exercising is good for your lungs and last week, some other scientists came to the conclusion that American teens are self-centered. Next week I am expecting a study out of Canada to tell us that eating Asparagus makes your pee stink.

Longest Friday EVER

Usually Friday is longed for--the day before the much needed weekend. But when you spend your days lolling about on your head, Friday is just another day. It started out like any other day--6 am blood draw, 6:3o pills, 8 am shot, 8:15 breakfast. Usually breakfast is followed by my hour on the monitors listening to Henry's heartbeat and then my bath. But I fell asleep during the monitoring only to wake up to the nurse telling me that Henry's heart rate was elevated and so we were going to listen for another 30 minutes and she was calling my doctor. But everything turned out okay and his heart rate returned to normal. Crisis averted.

I got a massage after lunch (thanks, mom), then my parents arrived. Then Dr. Troyer came to give me my Friday ultrasound. Henry still looks great; I'm still dilated 2-3 cm, and my amniotic fluids have risen --a good thing because that means I don't have to be put back on IV fluids. I also got the go ahead to take another 2 minute seated shower. YIPEE!

Friday ended with me flipping out because I thought I was bleeding, but it was not from Henry so all is well. My arms are still itchy but the rash is on the way out. And this morning I took my shower and so I have, at least for now, clean hair.

Things that make me laugh

My friend Shannon told me that she is inspired by my ability to continue to keep a good attitude despite the fact that I'm stuck in a bed and I pee in a bucket every hour. What she doesn't understand is that I've always admired her for being one of those pretty people who is always well groomed, perfectly accessorized, and just is all around one of "the pretty people club." Seriously, if she wasn't always smiling and didn't spend most of her days ministering to orphans and refugees, I would find it difficult to be friends with someone so perfectly lovely. To have her praise is like a Freshman on the Chess team getting kissed by the homecoming queen.

I am not quite sure why I am still in good spirits, save for the fact that I know a lot of people are praying that I'll be. I mean, generally, whining, freaking out, and complaining are some of my favorite things to do and I admit, that when it comes down to it, I am really tired of being itchy and my greasy hair. So my attitude is really not my doing, but God's.

I also think the fact that I am married to the second funniest person on the planet helps a lot. (I hold the current title and apparently was first runner up as Most Humble.) Sloan does a great little number inspired by the Sharks and the Jets that is sure to make you pee in your pants. Or, if you are like me ans can't wear any pants--wet the bed. And my situation really does provide me with many reasons to laugh. Using a bedpan is hilarious. My compression tights that I wear to keep blood clots at bay are these thick white thigh highs. Very naughty nurse and this makes me laugh. I also seem to have a little crush on Al Roker and you just can't have a bad day if you start it off with Al and Matt.

I also have great friends who visit me and send me great links to funny web pages. Thank the aforementioned pretty Shannon for the following----http://www.wholesomewear.com/.

Little itchy bumps

So I've developed a rash on my arms. Little, red, itchy bumps. They appeared shortly after my linens were changed yesterday, so my doctor believes that the sheets may not have been rinsed well. She ordered some Benedryl cream, but it hasn't come in yet. They changed my sheets again this morning and my rash hasn't gotten worse. But it could be worse, I could have caught mange from a dog (like my sister) or Norovirus (like a third of the inmates at Henrico County Jail , 3 local schools, and 2 nursing homes).

I've also developed a sore on my left elbow from propping myself up on it to eat, take meds, and type. I was supposed to have a wound care consult, but apparently she's caught Norovirus too. But she's prescribed some ointment that I should be getting later.

Henry is doing well, however, he has spent much of today kicking or ramming his heiny into my cervix and it is quite painful. Apparently, when I told him he could move around as much as he wanted to as long as he didn't move out, I was not specific enough.