Adoption Update

So we've made some headway with our adoption paperwork.  We are in the final rounds of our homestudy, just waiting for it to make it through multiple levels of bureaucratic approval and a few more papers need to be filled out and signed.

So now we are beginning our Waiting Child Special Needs paperwork and tomorrow we have our first phone call with our Dossier Specialist. 

In an effort to not have a panic attack, I am attempting to be like Anne Lammott with all the paperwork.  As a child, Lammott's brother was overwhelmed by a report on birds.  Apparently, it was the day before the paper was due and he couldn't even start.  Lammott's writer father suggested he not to think of the paper as a whole, but as the sum of many pieces.  To take the paper "bird by bird."  I cannot think of the forms and spreadsheets and notaries and state seals as an entirety or I will just.shut.down.  So I just look at my check list and take it bird by bird, willing myself to not look at item 4c before I even complete section 2a. 

I've also pretty much given up on Gracie being in panties full time until all this paperwork is due.  If you are in Richmond, you will hear me talk about this a lot.  Sorry.  It's because I'm trying to convince myself that this is okay she is in pull-ups. 

We have also once again asked to be matched with a particular child.  I'm equal parts hopeful that he is ours and hopeful that a family with their Dossier already logged in China gets matched with him because I want him out of China.  Now.

I think I believed when we made the decision to adopt a special needs child that would be that.  That just the choosing to obey God would be the difficult part. 

But following Jesus isn't a "one and done" item on a checklist.  Being God's child isn't just getting your name in a book and them continuing on your way.  It is a relationship, a dance, a quest, an adventure.  The "in between" times are perhaps more instructive than the grandiose mountaintop experiences. 

I suppose I forgot the invitation of my dear Savior--  Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.  Luke 9:23

So it is a good thing I had to write up a letter as to why we are doing this in the first place.  It's not because there's this adorable little boy in a yellow ducky jacket eating a graham cracker that I want to snuggle.  It's because the words I wrote at the beginning of this journey still hold true:   

"I want my family to be aware of its need for Jesus.  I want us to never get so self-sufficient that we forget who is the Great Provider.  I want for all of my kids to know what real love looks like—a love that doesn’t count the cost of suffering, a love that chooses to be uncomfortable for the sake of another, a love that values joy over happiness, redemption over ease, reconciliation over smoothness, grace over rightness, resurrection over complacency.  

And, there’s also this:

When I was lost, broken, spiritually paralyzed, and an enemy, Jesus came for me.  He left the comforts of heaven and came to the chaos.  For me.  And he was not content to just forgive.  He was not content to just make me right before the Father.  No, He adopted me.  He gave me a family.  He gave me an inheritance."