Bill Cosby is right...

Kids DO say the darnedest things.

Remember how Sloan warned me I was opening up Pandora's box by putting Henry in speech class? Yeah, well, Henry has now entered the land of verbage. And, like most things about parenthood, my expectations were a little off.

For starters, let us begin with Henry's exclamations of dismay. Sometimes he says "Oh no, ash ash all fall down." It is quite possibly the longest response I've ever heard to dropping one's sippy cup. And I have no idea who he's been playing ring around the rosy with because it hasn't been me. We also have the quick inhale followed by a long drawn out "NOOOOOOO!" (I am totally to blame for this one.) Thank you, Dora, for Henry's favorite exclamation, "Oh man!" I always laugh when he says this. Which I'm pretty sure he does not appreciate. Not one. Little. Bit. But my personal favorite (and again, I'm totally to blame for this one) is his occasional response to me telling him no. He does a Napoleon Dynamite impression. "Cookie?" "No. You may not have a cookie." Hugh sigh, roll of the eyes. "Duuuude." Perhaps if he asked for some of my tots? This response will not be as funny in a decade. Note to self, stop using sarcasm around your son. It will come back to bite you in the ass.

And speaking of things I'd rather not hear my son say, please be aware that Henry loves to say s-h-i-t. As in, "My shit is messy." Or "I need my shit." Or "Shit here." Or when we are reading Hop on Pop, "No, Pat, no! Don't shit on that." So apparently, it is the same word for both "shirt" and the verb "to sit". But until it becomes one of the aforementioned expletives, I will still giggle every time he tells me he needs his shit.

Or how about when I point to a picture of him and say, "Who is that?" His response, "That. Is cute!" Yes, Henry, that is cute. I would've also accepted the answers "Baby", "Boy", or, I don't know, perhaps your name?

We also have these random sentences that have just come from nowhere. In general, these fall into the Mommy is doing something I don't like category. As in when I'm burying his truck with leaves. He stood straight up, pointed his finger at me and said, "Mommy, don't do that!" Or this morning when I went into the family room to play trains with him. "No, mommy. Go out. I play 'lone." He then proceeded to push on my legs and shout, "OUT! OUT! OUT!" Fine, Henry. I'll just go check facebook. I commented on a friend's blog that when Henry began speaking in sentences I was really hoping to hear things like, "Mommy, you are pretty. Mommy, you hair is not frizzy. Mommy, I am going to cook dinner tonight." Perhaps, instead, I should teach Henry to make that game show sound--Wah Wah.

Today, in celebration of me finally getting a haircut I like and finding a hairstylist who I can visit again (I've been on a 2 year search), Henry and I went out to lunch. We were sitting at Kabuto and the waitress brought him the soup that comes with the meal. She said, "I wasn't sure if he'd like it, but it comes free with his meal." Henry looked at her and said, "Oh no. I like soup." Really, Henry? You like soup? When have you had soup? But, actually, he did like the soup. And it looked good on him. Bonus.

And sometimes, my little boy just breaks my heart. Yesterday, we had my dear friend's little four month old daughter, Emily, over for a couple of hours while her Mommy had a doctor's appointment. Henry would sing to her "Baby Em. Baby Em." He cried for her when I put him down for his nap--"No no, Mommy. I sing Baby Em." And poor little pumpkin, she went home while Henry was napping. When I went in to get him at the end of his nap, he sprung up, saying. "Baby Em. I play Baby Em." I gently told him that Auntie Ann had come to pick up Baby Emily. Quick inhale, then "NOOOOOOO!" as he flopped back down onto his bed, into the comfort that only Hop Hop can provide. Through his tears, he looked at me and said, "No no no no no. I need baby. I want baby. Baby Baby." "Oh, Henry," I said, "me too. I need baby too. Wanna just turn your lights back off and lay here for a little while with Mommy?" "Yeah." And so we cuddled. Because sometimes, even when you know how to use your words, nothing helps you feel better than an extra five minutes of nap time.