Epistemology*

Truth presents itself in paradoxes--Truth is both objective and subjective. Truth is both absolute and relative. These paradoxes point out that an understanding of the words "true", "truth", and "truthful", etc. depends upon the context in which one is discussing truth. For instance, truth is relative when one is discussing a proper course of action within time, as in the statement, "Henry needs to be spanked." People might agree or disagree wheteher that statement is true in any individual situatuon, but no one would say it is always true. Truth is subjective when one is discussing a matter of perception, opinion, or personal taste as in, "Baskin Robbins' Chocolate Chip Ice Cream is the best ice cream around." Because subjective truth is perception-based, it does not adhere to the law of contradiction, therefore there can be multiple subjective truths. Absolute truth is like highlander--"there can be only one." Absolute truth is true at all times and in all situations, regardless of circumstances.

Okay, now that we've got the prolegomena** out of the way, let me propose the following absolute truth:

When one receives in the mail a box of fertility drugs, the number of valium should be directly proportional to the number of giant needles.

This, however, is not the case. I got a box containing 90 pills, 4 vials of progesterone suspended in oil, 40 syringes, and 40 ginormo needles, and 1 measley 5mg of Valium. (Ginormo being the technical term, seeing as we're having a vocabulary lesson today.) I had remembered the needles being approximately 4 inches long and about a cenimeter in diameter. Umm, I was a bit off. The needles are only 2 1/2 inches long and have a 21 gauge. 21 gauge is roughly twice the size of your average mechanical pencil lead. Talk about a pain in the butt.

1 valium? One? Uno? Une? Ein? This is for the day of the embryo transfer. A day that barely warrants a valium. What am I supposed to do the day I'm all hepped up on hormones and I finish my book and don't know what to read next? This has caused a mental breakdown in the past. Or how about when I realize that the shirt I want to wear is in the dirty clothes? What is going to keep me from falling on the floor in a puddle? Not valium, because I'll only have one.

And how is Sloan supposed to relate to me when I am uber-crazy? He's grown accustomed to living in Elizabethtown. (Elizabethtown is the land where I am mayor, homecoming queen, and most likely to succeed. And everyone else is expected to be a mind reader and oh yeah, my servant. My word is law in Elizabethtown and nothing is ever my fault there. Elizabethtown is not to be confused with Glendaville, where my mother reigns, everyone has a maid, and conflict is avoided at all costs. Glendaville is ruled by martial law enforced by a Sheriff who goes by the names Luke, Dad, or Papa. Elizabethtown is also not to be confused with Sonyaburg, my sister's township, which is completely chaotic, overun by children, 30 minutes late, but overall the sanest of the three towns as it attempts to be a benevolent dictatorship.) But on hormones, Elizabethtown gets all colonial and tries to expand its boundaries.

So Sloan should probably receive a prescription for Valium as well--because I ain't sharing mine.

*Epistemology is the study of human knowledge - the grounds and conditions under which we can know anything. Basically, it is the study of the nature of truth. (See Dad, I did do more in seminary than square dance and get a husband!)
**Prolegomena--a big old word which basically means preface. Or the things you must know before you begin. (That's more than a 10 cent word. It's probably worth a dollar.)