Put on some big rubber boots and go fight some fires

I literally just sent this email to a friend.


My main issue right now that is causing me anxiety is these effing mice that keep finding their way into our pantry.  We caught 2 this weekend and I thought it was over, but saw another scurrying across our family room to get to the pantry. And of course Sloan is out of town. So I had to set the trap, knowing if it gets caught I'll have to deal with it tomorrow on my own.  I know that's lame, but I'm kinda freaking out.  Setting that trap, while I could totally see the tiny mouse jumping from shelf to shelf like effing Mary Lou Retton was the single bravest thing I've ever done.  I'm sure you can appreciate, if not quite understand, my hysteria.  It's embarrassing too!  Our house isn't a shack or something and I feel like I'm just two steps away from that Indiana Jones scene with all the rats.  Just to set the trap I had to put on my rain boots, pray out loud saying things like "I'm made in God's image and Jesus will protect me!  He has commanded me to be strong and courageous.  He put me over you.  I will exercise my dominion on you.  I literally weigh more than 100 times what you do!  Be afraid mousy, Jesus is for me, not you.". And this was just to extract the Cinnamon Toast Crunch (thankfully in one of those Cereal Tupperware things) and retrieve the box of sticky traps.  I had to slide the trap across the floor with my broom like I was an Olympic curler.  And then I had to take a shot of Firefly Vodka, followed by a Valium.  This entire trap/cereal retrieval ordeal took 20 minutes.  Mainly just me yelling at a mouse by myself.  And, of course, this was after I ranted and raved and cried on the phone to Sloan about the mouse.  I may have accused his work of planting the mouse.  I can't be sure.  I did threaten to move to a hotel.

I know it's funny, but it wasn't at the time.  I was quite literally shaking in my boots.  And I sent a dramatic email to my Terminex guy that my Thursday afternoon appointment may be too late.
     
Also, as a fellow blogger, you'll appreciate that I may just copy and paste this email as a post.  I promise to be rodent free when I see you at the Writer's Conference.