Some of you have asked for an update on the adoption process. Here goes...
We are about a third of the way through of the approval/home study process with Bethany Christian Services. What this basically means is that we are about four forms away from being done with paperwork until placement (I think that's right. But really, I'm making that number up.) And oh yeah, there are also four more interviews. (Not making that number up. Two with Sloan and I together. One of each of us individually. And then one at our home, where Henry will also be queried. That should be interesting.) And two COMPLETE days of training at the end of the month. Yowsa.
To quote my prof. Henry Simmons--"Are they slow or just stupid? Why all the interviews? Can't they see from Henry that you and Sloan are the best parents in the world?" (Thank you Jesus for sending people who love me so ridiculously into my world.) But I get all the paperwork. Bethany has to be able, in good faith, to tell the state and our birth mother they have the utmost confidence in our ability to parent and love this child. I mean, they are giving us a person.
But prior to even being allowed to apply for an adoption, we had to go have a 2 hour orientation meeting. Normally, this is hosted ever quarter or so at night and lots of couples attend. Their next meeting isn't until the third week of this month. Because I'm wanting to hurry up this wait time, I scheduled us our own private session. (I promise the case worker suggested it!) Here we learned more about Bethany, the adoption process, the types of adoption that are available, and more about birth mothers in general.
It's not all Juno, people. Birth mothers typically are older, because let's face it, it takes a level of maturity to care about someone other than yourself. And there are easier options for girls to consider. The process also opened my eyes to the real great sacrifice this woman will be making on our behalf. On behalf of our shared child. And so we have begun to ardently pray for her. Praising God that she has chosen life. Asking God that He would bring people into her life to love and encourage her. For her and the baby's health. For an easy pregnancy. For her bravery to be bolstered by the Holy Spirit. And for this entire process to be used to draw her closer to God. That she be able to see His redeeming hand through it all. I am grateful for the orientation as I now find myself praying for her even more than I am praying "Lord, bring us a baby."
The forms aren't all that bad to fill out. Less nerve wracking than the SATS, but not as much fun as the "What book of the Bible are you?" quiz on Facebook. (I'm Genesis. Whatever that means.)
The first form was simply basic information--name, address, why we want to adopt, and what type of adoption we are interested in. Each form has asked us to describe our ideal child. Well, I thought, I'd like for him or her to be kind, trustworthy, obedient, and funny. It would also help them fit into our family is he or she were well acquainted with sarcasm. My case worker told me that, no, that wasn't what they meant. So basically, I've typed "open domestic adoption of a Caucasian infant(s) of either gender" no less than eight times. And yes, I know this limits the number of birth mothers that will look at our profile. And I've had my nieces and nephews ask me why were aren't willing to adopt a child of another race. And the answer is quite simple. I'm pretty sure that if God intended us to adopt a child of another race He'd have told us by now.
The second form was the faith statement. Part of Bethany's mission is to place children in Christian homes, so they get this out of the way right off the bat. It asked questions like "Who is Jesus and what does your relationship with him mean to you?" and my personal favorite, "What is the Holy Spirit and what is his role in your life?" I--the seminary student, the writer, the great contemplater-- slaved over my statement for days. I delved back into my Systematic Theology notebooks. I wanted to correct the question in and of itself by writing a paragraph about how they should have asked "Who is the Holy Spirit". Sloan informed me that this may not be the time to get out the red pen. By the fourth draft, I was quasi-happy with it, still trying to figure out a better way to articulate my relationship with the Holy Spirit. Each answer was at least 4 paragraphs. Sloan spent maybe thirty minutes on his, each answer comprised of 4 concise sentences. When I read his, I was so pissed off because it was WAY better than mine. When it took all of 15 minutes for our case worker to reply to me submitting the statements to say they were approved, I realized that once again, maybe I'm focusing on the wrong things here.
Next was the "formal" application. It was more in depth and we had to give more information about our families, our reason for adopting, and oddly enough, directions to our house and a description of our neighborhood. Once again, I was struck by the Norman Rockwell-ness of our neighborhood (despite the cat neighbors)--with its sidewalks, playgrounds, homecoming parades, and ice cream trucks.
We also had to go into detail about our medical and criminal pasts. So yes, I had to fess up about getting a Minor in possession ticket my freshman year in college. Let's be more specific--an MIP my very first night of college. As in I was walking across the Granville towers parking lot with a solo cup of crystal light and everclear, on my way to a frat party, and I heard a male voice say, "Ladies." There were girls carrying cases of beer. Did they get tickets? No. Because I was the only girl to stop and turn around. Argh. One alcohol class later the charges were dropped, but still, the question wasn't have you ever been convicted (well, that question was asked), but the question was have you ever been charged with a felony or a misdemeanor? Well, thank you, ALE officer, for being my Mr. Meaner.
We also had to select whether or not we would be willing to accept a child with emotional, behavioral, mental, or medical problems. How they are going to be able to figure out an infant has emotional problems my case worker wasn't able to tell me. She informs me that there will be another form (of course there will) where they will go into more depth as to what types of things we are willing to accept. Awesome. I kept looking for the bubble that said "Just give me a friggin' baby" but alas, there was no such bubble.
On the formal application we also had to list our references. The people we are pointing them to say we would be good parents. We listed our pastor and Henry's fairy godmothers--Aunties Shannon, Robin, and Ann. So peeps, you have been served. And not only have you been served, there are now people out and about on this interweb thingy that are praying that as soon as you get your papers in the mail, you complete them PDQ. Let me be even more clear, when our case worker informs me that she has put your references in the mail, (or however she is planning on doing it--she is out of town this week, how dare she!) I intend to email and call you at least once a day until you can assure me that it is en route back to Bethany. Should you need postage, let me know.
At present, we are filling out a more detailed form about our finances. This form has been pretty boring--health insurance, life insurance, amount of mortgage, assets, amount spent on groceries. (Does this include amount spent at Casa Grande? We went last night and when we asked Henry if he wanted to go to Casa Grande he answered, while running to the door, "Yeah, yeah, cheese!") I'm also tallying up all of our assets as well, as in making a list of all the things in our home and how much they are worth. This is actually kind of fun. And dang, I have a lot of jewelry. (Have I mentioned lately how wonderful my husband is?)
So....that's where we are. My mother-in-law is coming down at the end of the month to watch Henry while we go to our all day adoption festival. (Not its official title.) I'm hoping to have had at least most of the interviews completed by then. Also, I know at some point, we're going to have to go get physicals (all three of us), and Sloan and I will have to go get fingerprinted for our FBI background check. I'll also be making a profile--a scrapbook intended to give prospective birth mothers a glimpse of our lives and what life her child may receive. This scrapbook is how we introduce ourselves to birth mothers. Much more civilized than simply hunting her down and screaming, "Pick me! Pick me!"
I'm also hoping that our home study visit/interview will fall close to the weekend my mother-in-law visits. That way I only have to clean my house once. And for those of you living in the Richmond metro area, rest assured, I will be calling you to come help me clean my house. Apparently, I have some friends, who actually enjoy this stuff. So, Colleen, Come on down! You're the next contestant on clean my house! (Don't forget to bring the ammonia and pledge. Cause I don't have that kind of thing around here. Not even sure I'd know what to do with them.)
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