4 years and counting...

Today is Sloan and my 4th wedding anniversary. I am wanting to write something really profound to express to him how I feel, and for a girl who loves words I'm not sure I can think of just the right ones. And it can't be sappy. I am the girl, after all, who has violent physical reactions to Nicolas Sparks. (Just typing his name has made me shake with disgust. But I digress...)

I'd like to first thank my husband for this year actually asking for something for our anniversary. Usually I just have to wing it as he'll say "Don't get me anything." This year he requested to watch the South Carolina vs. NCSU football game in its entirety. Done and done!



It also should be noted that I'm married to the most patient and level-headed man on the planet as I'm pretty much mental. I often tell friends that if Sloan treated me the way I treat him, we'd have a real problem on our hands. On a regular basis I say, "Honey, since you are headed down to the kitchen will you get me some water?" Every time I've asked this he's been under the covers reading his book. And yet, because he loves me and thinks this little joke of mine is endearing, he gets me water. I think the fact that my husband is willing to wait on me is one of the many signs that God knows me, loves me, and maybe even God thinks it's kind of cute.



And while I was digging through my writing stuff yesterday, I happened upon our wedding service. We wrote it in its entirety, from prayers to the vows (all but the pastor's homily). And when I say we, I mean when I asked Sloan if he liked what I'd written and did that sound okay he'd look up from his book and say "yeah". So I thought, in addition to making my husband's favorite dinner (NOT MEATLOAF!) and watching football with him, I'd also take a gander at these vows that I'm supposed to be keeping.



Before God and these witnesses, and in reliance upon the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, I, Elizabeth Jean-Ann Johnson, take you, Charles Sloan Phillips , to be my husband,
To have and to hold,
To love and to cherish,
To give and to receive,
To speak and to listen,
To confront and to comfort,
To repent and to forgive,
To encourage and to respond,
To respect and honor
“for where you go, I will go; your people will be my people; and your God will be my God.” I promise to bear with you and to be faithful to you in all circumstances of our life together so that we may join to serve God and others as long as we both shall live.



Hmmmm.....



I still like what I wrote and still think these are good vows. But I'm pretty sure the only ones I'm keeping on a regular basis are the speaking, confronting, and responding. And we 'have and hold' each other I guess. But I'm not even sure I know what it means to cherish someone. Is this what Sloan and I do when we sneak into to watch Henry sleep at night? And the whole dog debacle clearly shows that I don't listen to my husband.



And dang it all, I just don't like that I vowed to repent and to forgive. Certainly these are the foundations of a good marriage. Doesn't scripture tell us that the one who is forgiven little loves little? But I'd rather be right than be forgiven. Which brings me to the thing that is even harder for me to do than forgive--to repent. To repent literally means to change one's mind or purpose. But more than that it means such a change as would reverse the effects one's own previous state of mind. It's not just saying you are sorry. Sorry I can do. I think were I to repent it might look like this-- "Sloan, not only am I sorry that I didn't listen to you when you said a puppy would be a bad idea for our family, but I am going to listen to you, count your opinions as valid, and defer to you on decisions when they affect the daily goings on in the Phillips house."



But did you notice that even in my efforts to sound repentant I snuck in the loophole of 'when they affect..."?



But for better or worse, these are the vows I took. And I don't believe in renewing your vows or whatever as if they didn't take the first time. So instead of saying to Sloan, "I did and I still do" on our anniversary--I'm going to say this:



I haven't. I want to. Thanks for being mine and making me yours.

You are my favorite.