Make it spicy...

I really wish you had been with me this morning in my Zumba class. I'm pretty sure you would've peed in your pants.

For starters, Monday's Zumba class is actually called Zumba Lite. Which basically means it is just 45 minutes instead of an hour. The fact that it has Lite in the title also denotes that it is a hit with the geriatrics at the gym, which I love. When I got to the regular Zumba class, I am among my peers, huffing and puffing as I cha cha and samba to the Latin beat. And I feel flabby and sweaty. In Zumba lite, I'm a good 30 years younger than the average participant and so I feel a bit like one of Britney's back-up dancers by comparison. I also feel inspired by the fact these seniors are still moving and groovin', even if only ever so slightly. I also love that these seniors wear the craziest things to class. Shirts with collars tucked into matching pants, complete with a belt. They are my heroes.

But this morning's class was a bit different. The usual Zumba lite teacher was out of town and so we had a substitute. This teacher did not like being on the stage, so she was down on the floor with us. If you had been looking in on the class, you would've thought she smelled, because there was a clearance of about 10 feet all around her. She also sang along with the music and yelled out things like, "Picante!" She also encouraged us to do the moves with attitude. Does having attitude burn more calories? I do have attitude. My attitude is that if you don't stop saying "Spicy" and "Picante" I'm going to lose my composure. My attitude is that I am not looking at myself in the mirror on purpose. I am sweaty. And parts of my body are shimmying that I have not asked to. And yes, this is as low as I can go.

And then she asked us to pony. Around the room. Doesn't she know that I'm already out of my comfort zone shaking my hip and shoulders and inadvertently flopping my belly and boobs around and now she wants me to take the show on the road? This also means I'll have to see the other people in the class and this is not acceptable. There is an unwritten rule (I think) in these sorts of classes--no eye contact, whatsoever. And ponying around the room to the music from Casa Grande Mexican Restaurant means I have to look at people so I don't run into them. Most of them were smiling. And then I started laughing because I thought of what Sloan would say were he to be in this class. I tried to go get a drink in hopes this would settle things, but all I could think about was how I was ponying around a room with old people while the chick in the leotard said things like "Really work those hips!" and "Make it spicy!" Really. THAT IS WHAT SHE SAID.

I did get a good workout from Zumba. But is your cardio workout supposed to make you want chips and queso?