What 2011 Taught Me

So you see, I really suck at resolutions.  

I suck at both the making them and the keeping them.  The only thing I really excel at in regards to resolutions is the feeling guilty about breaking them.  For example, some part of me would like to resolve to cook a healthy gourmet-esque meal for my family at least 5x a week.  But what this would really amount to would be either fretting because I forgot my recipe and list when I was in the grocery store.  Therefore, I’d have all of the wrong ingredients and my gourmet attempt at low fat chicken linguini alfredo would end up being grilled chicken with a side of Pene in some type of melted parmesan rue.  Oh, and this poor attempt would also go untouched by 50% of my family.  So it would also be an exercise in how much food can we throw away.  Which would then reduce me to a puddle in the kitchen, crying for the starving peoples of China and Ethiopia, cursing myself for being irresponsible and the worst mother ever because my daughter mainly eats carbs and condiments, and yelling at my 4 year old and 2 year old because they are so spoiled and entitled and then I’d probably throw in some yelling at Sloan just for good measure.  And then after said freaking out was complete, I’d spend an entire evening and perhaps several blog posts writing about what I really need for Jesus to do in my life is make me more organized.  Because another thing I excel in is wrapping up my sins and weaknesses in pretty Spiritual wrapping paper so that I don’t have to repent of them.  I may even challenge my husband you that it is his you’re Christian duty to simply love me the way I am.  Which, to some degree IS true.  But you see, I’d spend all my time feeling guilty and yucky and irresponsible about the danged list and maybe thirty seconds feeling convicted for the snapping at my kids and the hurling of curse words at my husband.  And the ability to keep up with a list has absolutely zero to do with who I am and was created to be and then I’d need to repent of confusing my ability to keep up with things as my salvation.  

But, it is the New Year and all.  I do feel obligated to, at the very least, reflect upon the lessons God has taught me this year.  So I’m not going to resolve to do anything new but I will pray to remember lessons learned.  And here they are, in no particular order.

1.  Sloan travels a lot but that does not mean I need to be with him 100% of the time when he is home.  It will do us both a lot of good if while he is home I leave the house without the children and do scandalous things like grocery shop or grab coffee with a friend.  Or simply be in a different room than him and not glued to him like some desperate middle schooler.  Also, it is difficult to get any housework done as Siamese spouse twins. If this “break time” does not occur, I will inevitably go crazy because the house will be craptastic and instead of simply saying, “You know, I could really go for some alone time right now”, I’ll end up saying something like “Oh my gosh, I don’t even want to look at you right now.  I hate your stupid face and your Gamecock hat.  I don’t want to watch football and for the love of Pete will you please just go somewhere else?  I don’t really care where, just get the eff out of my line of sight or I’m gonna cut somebody.”  (You know, hypothetically I might say something like that.)

2.  Henry is the slowest person on the planet.  I need to remember that he is 4.  And that God is using him to teach me patience.  When it takes him 30 minutes to dress himself because he keeps getting distracted by his train table, remember that I sometimes yell at him “Come on, Henry, focus!  Put down the trains and put on your socks!” while standing in my jeans and bra on my Ipad because apparently I can’t get dressed without simultaneously updating my Facebook status.

3.  Gracie is just.like.me.  She does not respond kindly to being told to do something.  By default, she will rebel.  But if I simply ask her, 9 times out of 10 she will comply.  So again, I need to be patient.  She desires to please those around her, but she wants to do it on her own terms.  I need to love her even though I’m pretty sure the phrase “I do it!  I do it!” will be the death of me.

4.  Sometimes God asks me to turn on a dime and make a quick decision.  But if I’m fretting over this decision or feeling desperate or cornered, then chances are it is not God pressing in on me.  God’s forks in the road always lead to more of Him, not more of me.

5.  Eating fried foods makes me feel gross and bloated.  So don’t eat them.  This includes (gasp) Chick-fil-A.

6.  When I’m bored or depressed, chances are it is because God is at work.  I may not know it or see it, but He is still there.  And more than likely, my depression and ennui stems from complacency. 

7.  God is not concerned about my comfort, by my conforming into His likeness. 

8.  Dry shampoo makes my head itch.  And wool makes my eyes explode.

9.  God is not concerned with how often I cook or even if I remember to make a list to take to the grocery store.  He is concerned with how I love Him and my neighbor.  He is concerned with my loving others, period.  So any resolution that I may think of that inhibits my ability to love those around me is probably a pretty crappy one.

10.  God is close to the brokenhearted, the needy, the poor, the sick, the orphaned.  If I want more of Jesus in my life, I am going to have surround myself with the brokenhearted, needy, poor, sick, and orphaned.  And when I do this, I’ll find that all of those adjectives—broken, needy, poor, sick, and orphaned—apply to me as well.  To my heart.  And so I need the broken, needy, poor, sick and orphaned folks probably more than they need me.  In fact, my need for a daily reminder of my need for Jesus is so great, that I probably should just invite someone broken, needy, poor, sick, and orphaned ­into my heart and home permanently. 

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