Blessed by cornrows

It’s not every day you get to experience God’s love anew by playing with somebody’s hair. But that is EXACTLY what happened to me today.

T and L before church.

My friend Tracy has a 4 year old foster daughter, T. Tracy is an interim care parent for Bethany Christian Services, which means she and her family bridge the gap between the time a birthmom relinquishes her rights and the ten days waiting time required in the Commonwealth of Virginia. Some agencies don’t use interim care parents, but Bethany has found it to be a blessing for all parties. Typically, this means that Tracy and her family love on babies from the time they get home from the hospital until they are 10 days old. Sure, there are sleepless nights, poopy diapers, and pediatrician visits, but by and large it’s a simple gig that assures Tracy meets her baby snuggles quota. (If you know Tracy, you understand that her baby cuddle needs are great. This is why she keeps nursery so often.) So when the case worker at Bethany called her to keep T, it was unusual. In fact, if you knew all the facts of the situation, your heart would break. And then you’d be mad. And then you’d kiss Tracy and her family for opening their home to T. You’d buy her daughter, L, a pony. L is also 4 years old and hasn’t minded sharing her toys, her clothes, and her bed to her new sister.

T has been with Tracy for 2 weeks. Before T can be adopted by her forever family, she has to visit a dentist, a pediatrician, and psychologist, and, I believe, an educational therapist. When T first arrived, she was quiet. It quickly became apparent that T had, at the very least, a speech delay. So while Tracy had hoped T and L would be playmates, T really is more similar to a 2 year old in speech and temperament. It also became clear that she’d never been really loved before. She’d never had limits set or consequences followed through with. And as T has grown more comfortable in her surroundings, she has struggled with learning that you can’t say “Shut Up!”, you must share, and that growling at people is not an acceptable way to say “No, thank you.”

But she has thrived in Tracy’s family. Within 48 hours, Tracy and her husband were called Mommy and Daddy. She has begun to uncross her arms. It no longer takes standing on your head to get her to smile for the camera. She’s gained 3 pounds. And so when, yesterday, Tracy attempted for the second time to take her to the Pediatrician, the Doctor could hardly believe that it was the same child.



At the start of the detangling process.



That’s what love does. It uncrosses our arms so we can take another’s hand. And I’ve been blessed to pray for her. And watch this transformation. And this morning, to participate in teaching her what it means to be loved.



Her hair was a mess. T came to Tracy with ragged box braids. Upon removal of the braids, it became apparent that T’s hair was VERY damaged. And her scalp was dry. And flaky. When Tracy first approached me helping T, I was overwhelmed. I decided my first priority would simply to be to work towards scalp health. And then moisturizing. Because I don’t care what type of hair you have—be it bone straight or kinky and coiled, brittle hair isn’t healthy hair.



Tangle free and ready to style!





As I’ve delved deep into the world of AA hair care, I’ve learned a lot. And most of what I learned is that all of us with typical Caucasian hair are idiots when it comes to AA hair. Even hairdressers. Even some African Americans. People are surprised when they touch Gracie’s hair and it is soft. It’s not because she’s biracial. It’s because it’s healthy. I put a sheaf butter and coconut oil on her scalp and hair every night. I spray a distilled water and jojoba oil mix on it every morning. And when it looks dry anytime during the day, I moisturize it. I only wash her hair with shampoo every 10 days or so. The rest of the time, I wash it with conditioner. Sometimes I don’t even rinse the conditioner out. And I put food oils in it—coconut, olive, grape seed, jojoba, and avocado—NOT petroleum based products. Petroleum products do not get absorbed into the hair, they just rest on top. Natural oils get absorbed and actually changed the texture of the hair and reduce the amount of water that evaporates from it, thereby increasing moisture content and decreasing breakage. So that’s why, AA lady who asked for my advice, you don’t understand why your daughter’s hair looks greasy and Grace’s does not. Your daughter’s hair IS greasy.



T came over this morning, while Henry was in school, for a hair party. We began with a bowl of pretzels, a sippy cup of juice, and Princess and the Frog on the TV. She was sitting in Henry’s chair in front of me while I had lined up detangler, my oil/water spray, a shea butter mix, and pure coconut oil all lined up. Her hair was washed last night. I was also armed with clips, a detangling comb, and a Tangle Teaser. I set to work in simply sectioning off her hair, clipping it, coating it in Kinky Kurly’s Knot Today detangler and then using my fingers to detangle it. I’m so accustomed to working quickly on Grace’s shaking head that it was a welcome change to work on a girl who was setting still. Every now and then she’d tell me "Thank you" for doing her hair.

It took roughly 40 minutes to detangle her entire head. I think it took so long because a) I’m a novice, b) I had to refill the pretzels, and c) it hadn’t been done in awhile. She shed A LOT of hair.



You can see the breakage on this side,
but I think the braid helps disguise it.



I decided to go with a quick and simple style that should hold up a week until hopefully she’ll come over for another Princess Hair Party. I gave her simple two-strand twists in the lamest part pattern ever known to man—the box. Because there was SO much breakage along her hairline, I opted for a large cornrow along her hairline to both disguise the breakage a bit and to protect her hairline from further breakage. I think next week we may try to trim her hair some to even it up. I doubt she has ever had a haircut.

By the time she left, her hair was soft and shiny. It soaked up the butters and oils. Her scalp was already remarkably improved.







Here you can see the parts and the twists.
Sorry it is wobbly; we were laughing.

Here she is at lunch.  Where she and Gracie
had an eating contest.  T won by half and apple and
a peanut butter cracker.   You know, after they both ate
a hot dog, some cheese, and pretzels.



I cannot tell you how much this morning with T meant to me. It confirmed to me that when my stint on the Bethany board is done we will sign up to be a Foster Family. Loving her gave me a glimpse of what Jesus sees and does every day. Gently with his hands undoing the damage. Working out the kinks and knots. Anointing and massaging with life giving oils. Creating something new. Something healthy. Something pliable to His touch. Something glorious.