Blog about Article on Blog on Blog (what?)

On Friday, Sloan, Gracie and I headed once again to Fredericksburg to speak at an adoption training for Bethany Christian Services.  It shocked me how just speaking about our adoption journey was still so emotional for me.  I was not prepared to grieve for Emma Sloan once again.  I mean, I know she was never really our daughter, and yet discussing her and that disapointment still hurt.  Deeply.  Of course, the pain was tempered by the cuteness and sweetness of Gracie, who seemed to coo and giggle as if on cue.  She was the perfect exclamation point to our many punch lines. 

We continue to be moved by God each time we tell our story.  And so we will keep on telling it.  If for no other reason than to remind ourselves of how big and good God is. 

And because some of you wanted to see it, below is the article I wrote for Bethany's August newsletter.  That's right, I'm posting on my blog an article about my blog. 

I began my blog (www.henryandgrace.com) over three years ago while pregnant and on hospitalized bedrest with my son, Henry. Once he was born, like many Mommy-blogs, it became a digital scrapbook for my son, a way for family and friends to see what we were up to, and a way for me to finally put my degrees in Creative Writing and Christian Education to use. Sometimes the posts were funny stories of late night poop-explosions, other times I wrote of repenting of my many idols that Motherhood brought to the foreground. As Henry approached toddlerdom, it began, more and more, to be about my struggles with infertility. As God worked on my heart bringing me into the world of adoption, it became apparent that He was creating something more than a 21st century baby book and diary--He was creating a place for me to see Him at work, carving out a ministry for me, and creating community.

I must confess my husband and I had many discussions about what could and could not go on the blog, particularly when it came to our adoption journey. What if our case worker read it and learned the only reason our base boards were dusted was because she was coming over? Or that my heart still ached when friends told me they were pregnant? Or that I was constantly repenting of raising my voice at Henry for peeing on the couch? Eventually, and not always perfectly, I learned to ask “Am I writing this because I want to talk about myself or because I think God might be glorified in this?” And because God’s strength is most readily seen in human weakness, I included everything from my fears about what an open adoption might mean, to how dorky I was at the training seminar. (Seriously, folks, I could have only been less cool had I shown up with apples for all of the case workers.) I even included my heart-ache when the birthmother of our first placement reinstated her parental rights on day 8.

And in as much as my blog began to be a place where I could preach the Gospel to myself, it began touching others as well. I’ve gotten emails from women struggling with infertility, who are thinking about adoption, or who have adopted and just wanted to connect with another Mom whose kids had different skin color. I’ve been asked everything from housecleaning tips for home studies (HA!), to what is it like raising a white son and a brown daughter, to what is it REALLY like helping a child wean themselves off narcotics.

Through my blog, I’ve met some incredible people. Sometimes I only know them in cyber-space, commenting on one another’s blogs or sending each other Facebook messages as they live in Texas, or Georgia, or Canada. I’ve educated friends of friends about the adoption process. I’ve been in contact with adoptees who have shared with me their stories of how they learned about their adoption. I’ve had the opportunity to tell women who have never stepped foot in a church about how God pursued me and knit my family together. I’ve even been stopped in a grocery store by a stranger because she recognized me from my blog and wanted to let me know that because of my blog, she and her husband felt free to pursue a transracial adoption (SOOOOO wished I’d bathed that day).

Each time I connect with someone, I am humbled. I know how minor of a player I am in all of this-- just an extra in God’s ridiculous love affair with humanity. My blog is called “Elizabethtown: Where I’m Homecoming Queen and Always Write”. However, I like to think that if you look closely, what you’ll really read is the story of how God loves me so well.