Earthquakes, Book stores, Crap storms, and Shia Lebeouf

Did I miss something?  Did someone see four horsemen and forget to tell me?  Surely I would've read something about them on FB if they showed up.  Right?

Yesterday, while G was napping, I took advantage of the rarity that is Sloan working from home.  Henry and I donned our swimsuits and cover-ups and ran one errand and then were off to the pool.  And since G was not in tow, we could go in the deep end and work on our strokes.  (By the way, Henry can now swim a 25 meter lap all by himself.  Yes, his stroke is a hybrid of doggy paddle, freestyle, and drowning, but he is in it to win it, baby!) 

Our errand was heading to the used bookstore.  Normally I like to read on my Ipad, but we are headed to the beach next week and the Ipad is not kids-playing-in-the-sand friendly.  Henry skipped off to the children's section while I checked out the new releases.  And then--cue the Carole King--I felt the earth. move. under my feet.  I felt the sky tumbling down. tumbling down.  At first I was fearful that Henry was leaping off the shelves or some other tom-foolery and was searching for him so I could speak sternly to him in that "I'm going to yell at you but do it in a monotone whispering voice" that all mommies of preschoolers reserve for in public come to Jesus meetings. 

But then the books started falling off the shelves.  And the old people (because this used bookstore is run by a group of snobby blue hairs who think my asking for David Sedaris is beneath them) started shrieking.  And the teenagers who work the Tobacco shop next door had gone out into the parking lot.  I thought, "Oh my gosh.  This is a freaking earthquake.  My son and I are going to be found beneath a sea of musty books surrounded by all these old people.  They'll look for the elderly first, so we are going to die." 

Ummm....I may have been overreacting. 

I'm pretty sure the shelves at Midlothian's Book Exchange are so stuffed that all it takes for the books to fall is lots of traffic.

My sister's story is funnier. 

First off, you need to remember my sister has 8 children.  So inevitably, there is always some sort of drama going on.  Bats in the living room.  Barbies in the toilet.  A child in the corner crying because of some sibling.

Also, my sister's house is 13 miles from the epicenter of yesterday's quake.

She was outside giving her sons haircuts when she too felt the earth move.  Knowing her luck, she immediately assumed that her septic tank was failing.  So she sent the kids inside her house, trying to avoid the impending crap storm, envisioning a geyser of poopy water erupting out of her slate patio. 

Inside, the housekeeper and my teenage niece were rounding up the littles trying to get them outside.  Once my sister had just gotten all her big kids inside, they realized, no--it is not a crap storm but an earthquake. 

And really.  Let's think about this.  5.8 earthquakes are pretty much always preferable to exploding septic tanks and the resulting crap storm. 

But if you combine yesterday's quake with today's poor air quality from the Great Swamp fires and then add those to the weekend's prediction of Hurricane Irene and you have the plot to a Michael Bay end of world thriller.  I'm fully expecting to hear about a meteor coming toward the earth.  I made sure to speak kindly to my suburban today in case it transforms and gets upset about my secret desire for a minivan.

Or maybe I should be looking out for the Rodents of Unusual Size.  I'm not quite sure which would be more shocking at this point.