I'd like a digital upgrade

Parenting is like listening to an 8-track.  Remember those?  Those giant rectangles you pushed in and just listened to?  If you didn't like the song that was playing, you just had to suffer through it and wait until it was over.  There was no fast forward or DVD Fast Play option.

The current track we are stuck on in the Phillips house is the Hunger Strike.  My sister assures me that this phase will end somewhere between 4 and 5, so it is apparently a LONG track.

At my dinner table, you are not allowed to whine about what is set in front of you.  Not allowed to make faces or declare it is yucky.  Should you do so, you will have to set in the "Collection Chair".  The collection chair is just the extra dining chair in the corner of our dining room.  Approximately 2 feet from Henry's actual chair at the table.  It is where he goes to "collect" himself and change his mood.  Or, if need be, he can just sit in the chair and cry.  And if he wanted to spend the entire meal there, he could.  We'd still talk to him.  He'd just need to apologize for being rude prior to returning to the table.  Most of the time, he sits himself in the chair, calms down, and then quietly returns to the dinner table, whispering "I'm sorry" in Sloan's ear.  But mind you, he still doesn't touch his food.  Sometimes he sits the entire meal with his hands over his eyes. 

Because, you know, if he can't see us then we can't see him.  (One of the many times I have to refrain from laughing at my child for the sake of discipline and decorum.)

He has gone to bed without dinner on numerous occasions and has even looked at his plate and said, "Mommy?  Can I just not eat this and go to bed now?"  On particularly long days, I have obliged him.  He'll just eat three bowls of Cheerios, a yogurt, and a banana the next day for breakfast. 

But it is difficult because his idea of the perfect meal changes.  I do honestly try to make him something at every meal he enjoys.  If we are having fish, I try to serve green beans and rice as sides.  But then he'll go and decide he hates green beans.  Or I'll make chicken and he'll say he doesn't want white chicken he wants brown chicken.  (Whatever that is.) 

For lunch he'd prefer to eat either pepperonis or little smokies every day with a Dora yogurt, some grapes, and an apple.  Do not offer him a PB&J or grilled cheese or you will experience some major llama drama.  I recently introduced the oh so healthy peanut butter crackers and those captain's wafers cream cheese and chive crackers and those were a hit.    So at least we've ventured out of the meat in a baggy when I need to pack him a lunch for school.

He has also stated that all he really wants to eat is meat, specifically high quality beef.  Here was our conversation this afternoon.

Me:  You can have either sliced turkey or sliced ham for lunch.  What do you want?
Henry:  How 'bout steak?
Me:  No.  Turkey or ham.
Henry:  How 'bout beef?
Me:  No.  That's steak too.  Turkey or ham.
Henry:  How 'bout fiwet?
Me:  Geez.  (laughing) That's steak too.  Turkey or ham.
Henry:  Tenderwoin?
Me:  Good grief, sweet boy.  That's steak too.  Enough with the steak.  You're having turkey.
Henry:  And strawberry Dora yogurt?
Me:  Yes, with strawberry Dora yogurt.
Henry:  And steak too?
Me:  You are your father's son.
Henry:  Of course I am.