My Big Fat Yard Sale

For starters, it must be said that I could never be a hair dresser.  I could never have a job where I have to stand all day.  By mid-afternoon yesterday, my calves and ankles were killing me.  You know you are tired when you sit on the potty for the first time all day around 3pm and  you think, Gosh this is a comfy place to sit.  I could fall asleep right.....ZZZZ.

I also want to declare for all of you to know that I have the world's best husband.  I know lots of women who put on yard sales all by themselves.  But my dear man not only trod up and down the attic stairs umpteen times carting boxes, end tables, lamps and an iron bed, woke up with me at o'dark early to help me haul stuff into the driveway, helped me haggle with people, fed the kiddos, went for a Dunkin Donuts run, picked up change at the bank, but he also actually ran into four lanes of traffic to retrieve the yard sale signs at the end of the day.  Best.  Husband.  Ever.  Bestest best friend ever.

We woke up around 4:30 to pull stuff out to the driveway.  We had a LOT of stuff.  Not only did we have 2 years worth of Phillips cast offs, but we also had junk from my mom's house, and an entire truck load of stuff from my sister's house.  We had pool umbrellas, bed frames, chairs, end tables, lamps, picture frames, loads of wine glasses (why did I register for 12 red wine everyday glasses and 12 white wine glasses?  When did I expect to be hosting such fancy parties?  We drink wine out of Solo cups around here most days...), toys, bedding, carpets, a dog crate (poor Lolly), and just a bunch of junk.  What a great country we live in where I can just set my junk out on my lawn and then get money for it.  Booyah!

The yard sale was supposed to be from 8-12.  I'd planned on taking pics of all our stuff after we set it up, but the first customer showed up around 6:30.  A lot of our stuff was still in bins awaiting to be set out.  I asked the woman if there was anything in particular that she was looking for.  "Nope, I'm just driving around."  When she left, Sloan looked at me and said, "Who just drives around at 6:30 in the morning?  Who are these people that are coming to my house?"  "Yard salers," I said. 

And that was just the first of the crazies.  More than once I was asked if we had any guns.  Um, no, I'm not an arms dealer.  And then there was the older gentleman in the Elton John glasses whom I affectionately called "the tooth fairy"--because he paid me in $2 bills and silver 50 cent pieces.  Really.  Who carries around that stuff?  Or perhaps the older gentleman who is a retired police officer that now investigates insurance fraud.  Apparently, he knew my grandfather who was sheriff of Henry County, VA.  And did you know the most recent Henry County sheriff was arrested for drug trafficking?  Um, that wasn't my grandpa crazy old man.  He's been dead since 1977.  And then there was the older guy with shaggy hair and the newsies cap who wanted to buy a laundry basket full of picture frames for $9.  Or the man who wanted to buy six hard back cookbooks for $1. 

Or perhaps it is just that yard sales make you crazy.  I accidentally dropped the box of Dunkin Donut munkchins on the ground and simply wiped the pollen off the donuts and continued to eat them.  Sloan asked, "Um, you know that's gross, right?  Those are covered in pollen."  "Yeah," I said, "that's why I just went and took a Benedryl."

And then there was the creepy family.  For starters, they walked up to our house.  No car in sight.  There was a couple who appeared to be in their 40s, three teens to 20ish kids, and then a preteen girl.  They were kind and nice, but still, kind of gave me the heeby jeebies.  Each person, including the young girl, had those giant calf tatoos.  And they all had scraggly hair down to their heinys.  And the young adults had loads of sores around their mouths and bright red noses...so I'm guessing they have some pretty unhealthy habits.  And none of them seemed to have bathed in awhile.  They bought a few things and then just walked off down the street.  Are these people my neighbors?  They make me very sad.

Apparently lots of people live just "right down the street".  These are the people who wanted to write me checks.  "Well, since you live right down the street, I'm sure you know where all the closest ATMs are so you can go get cash.  I'll hold the item for the next 15 minutes for you." 

And I tried to get kids to whine to their parents to buy things by telling them, "Hey, if you buy something, you can go pick out a stuffed animal!"  So I was able to offload a bunch of my sister's cast off stuffed animals--which are notorious for being poor sellers at yard sales.  The oddest thing I sold was a pair of my sister's in-law's Cross Country skiis.  Apparently, someone who lives near me is moving to Alaska in a couple of weeks.  I also sold a stack of old Bon Appetit magazines.  Three years worth of mags for $3.  The lady who bought them was shocked I'd want to part with them.  "Um, my mom gave me the subscription for a Christmas for awhile after I got married.  It took my husband and me three years to convince her my lukewarm feelings for cooking weren't detrimental to our marriage. So there you go..."

We had Gracie in her exersaucer out with us for a bit, but most of the time the kiddos were inside with their babysitter, my 10 yr old niece, Rebekah.  She spent the night on Friday and had a slumber party with Henry.  She was a huge help.  But she and Henry did come out and ride bikes in the driveway for a bit during the sale.  I think Henry heard a bunch of people asking if they could get things because at one point he approached me, giant rock in hand, and said, "Mommy, can I have this?"  "Yes, Henry.  You may have that rock.  But you may not throw it or bring it inside."  "Thank you, Mommy.  This is a great rock I got at Henwe's Yad Sale." 

We made a killing.  We're planning on using most of fundage to pay off G's adoption loan.  What we didn't sell has either been taken to Goodwill, taken to the church for the preschool's yard sale, or put onto Craigslist.  So while we did make a lot of money, I worked my tail off.  Between the trips up and down stairs, the pricing, the lack of sleep, the embarrasment of tacking up signs during the morning work traffic, to dealing with the yahoos who don't bathe and wanted to buy my sister's used baby toilets, I'm not so sure we'll be doing it again anytime soon.