We aren't Dead

So, it's been three and half months since we brought Mollie and Charlie home.  I haven't written much because a) I am so very tired, b) um, I have four kids 6 and under so there is no time, c) I feel like so much of our life right  now is sacred and private and not my story to tell, and d) I spent a good bit of that time in a cave of post adoption depression afraid of myself of other people. 

So, you know, the usual.

I can say that it has been HARD.  Hard for all of the reasons listed above and also because my dear kids have experienced trauma and that's just difficult to wade through.  Heartbreaking really.  But redemption is always bloody, right?

All that said, I am blessed.  Beyond measure.  All 4 of my kids are hilarious.  And our life is bursting with so much life.  And life is always loud and messy and sticky and joyful.  I don't do anything half-assed.  So this integration of family has been approached with my whole ass.  And sometimes I fallen flat upon it. 

Never the less, if you wanted to buy me this shirt in a pink XXL, I'd love you forever...

So the looks of this blog are going to change.  I'm not quite sure how that is going to look just yet.  I've considered just disbanding it entirely, but I want to document some of our lives.  I'm thinking now it might just be pics and random conversations.  I can't do weighty blogs about transracial adoption or ethics  or attachment parenting or any of that other serious stuff that I spend a lot of time praying and chatting about because I just don't have the stomach to wade through that as well.  Plus, there are already people doing that well.  And I'd just be noise.  (If you don't read Kristen Howerton's blog Rage Against the Minivan, you should.  Like Jen Hatmaker, I like to pretend Kristen and I are besties because I follow her on facebook and we are in some transracial adoption groups together.  I'd love a complete new blog design, but that's not in the "let's get rid of the adoption debt and also have money to readopt the kids and get their citizenship" budget.  So we will just have to work with my playing with the layout button for a few minutes change.  Unless YOU want to make me a new pretty template.  :)