I am a member of several online groups of waiting adoptive
parents. Some specific to the Congo and
some even specific to our agency. It has
been a great way to contain the crazy to a group of people who are equally
insane. We know the process, the procedures,
the possible road blocks, so it is a great comfort to be in community with
these men and women. There is even a
group of Congolese adoptive families in the Richmond area and we are hosting a
pot luck get together at our house in March.
{What a gift THIS group will be in the years to come!}
But as much as these connections are a blessing, they are
also, in my selfish hands, a curse. With
each post or email about another family’s progress, my heart sunk. I would click “like” or post “Woot!” when
inside I was screaming “WILL IT EVER BE MY TURN? WHEN DO I GET MINE?”
The jealousy crept in and festered. We were hoping for an update about our case
on Valentine’s Day. By Saturday, with no
update, I had convinced myself that these adoptions were never going to
happen. We were wrong. We were wasting money and our time and our
hearts and OH MY GOSH the people who bought our old house bought a new minivan
and if we weren’t adopting I’d have already put 10k miles on a Swagger
Wagon. On Sunday, other adoptive Mommas
posted about how they’d gotten new pictures, or there judgments were in
translation, immigration papers were filed, or visas were issued and plane
tickets were being purchased. I clicked “like”
and seethed.
I confess that what I’m about to type is ugly. Like “I’ll get you and your little dog too!”
ugly. This is what I thought. Why do
these people keep getting updates and I do not?
Why can’t anything ever be easy with us?
Really? The time I was in labor
for 11 weeks and almost died. THAT was the easiest way for us to grow our
family? What the heck is God doing? Or not doing as the case may be? I gave up my friggin minivan and a beach
vacation and thousands of dollars and am crafting like some sweat shop worker
and nothing is happening. GOD CAN’T YOU
SEE ME? WHEN AM I GONNA GET MINE?
These thoughts haunted me.
I have spent the past two night not sleeping, instead lying in bed,
checking my email to see if I had any news from my case worker and
simultaneously cursing God and his seemed incompetence. Every now and then I’d have a lucent thought
like “Maybe you should bathe tomorrow” or “God is for you and your
kids. You have not been forgotten.” or “Buy milk.”
This morning in Jo-Ann's it was full on {warning: crazy
churchy talk ahead} spiritual warfare. I
mean it. It was a Gollum style war for
my heart.
Voice 1: At what
point in this process do you just send out a big email and tell people that you
were wrong and then start paying people back?
Voice 2: Be still and know that I am God.
Voice 1: I can’t
believe the family that sent their dossier over in January has already
heard. Your case worker hates you. And I bet that family is totally lame. I hope their visas get denied.
Voice 2: Have I
not commanded you? Be strong and
courageous. Do not be terrified; do not
be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Voice 1: It’s been three minutes since you checked your
email. Why aren’t you checking your
email?
Voice 2:Wait for the LORD; be strong
and take heart and wait for the LORD.
Voice
1: No email. God is punishing you because you thought you
were supposed to adopt from China.
Voice 2: For you did not receive the spirit of slavery
to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons,
by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”
Voice
1: Abba!
Father! I am mad at you. I think your timing sucks. Sorry for that, but I do. Can’t you see that I am hurting? Can’t you see me? Can’t you see them? Forgive me for thinking my timing is
best. Forgive me. Forgive me.
Help me! Help me! How long must I wait? How long?
Oooh! Sharpies are 40% off! It totally makes sense to buy 8 black
sharpies.
My apologies
to the lady at the register who had to check out the crazy crying lady with all
of the sharpies.
But folks,
God has not forgotten us. While sitting
in carpool line for Henry, I got an email.
An email from our case worker {who most certainly does not hate
us}. WE HAVE MADE IT TO THE NEXT STEP IN
OUR ADOPTION!
In the
Congolese court system, there are basically three steps: court date, a written judgment, and a thirty
day wait period before an official ACTE OF ADOPTION can be doled out. We are now past step two. We are in our thirty day wait period. {Also pray for us, because in theory, a family member could still come forward for them.} And because it is basically the only certain
time frame we will be sure of in this entire process, we are counting down the
days.
We told the
kids that a judged said that Charles and Mollie were really and truly their
brother and sister. Henry ran around in
circles screaming “HAVING A BROTHER IS
AWESOME!” Gracie jumped up and down on
the couch {though to be fair, she does that a lot}. Sloan and I drank Orange Soda and the kids
had chocolate milk. Then we set out to
make a paper chain to count down our thirty days.
This does
NOT mean we will be traveling in a month.
We are still thinking summer.
There are still lots of steps in the process after we exit court. Immigration.
But we are moving forward. Inch
by inch. Loop by loop.
Charles and
Mollie, just as Jesus has not left us, we will not leave you as orphans, we
will come for you!
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