It's A Bird. It's A Plane. No---It's Super Moms!

Coming soon to the WB.

An all new series. It’s dark. It’s sexy. It’s real. It’s called “Super Moms”. 5 women who fight germs in their everyday lives, but also, secretly, fight crime with their Super Mommy Super powers.

It’s one part Charlie’s Angels, one part Superbad, one part The Incredibles, one part Wonder Woman, one part Heroes, and 100% awesome. (Sloan thinks it is three parts crazy.)

The stars? Me. (Duh.) The Donovan sisters of Austin, TX—Mollie and Erin. Angie of On the Rocks and Straight Up. And Law Momma of Spilled Milk and Other Atrocities. It’s a stellar ensemble cast, but let’s be clear…I’m the headliner. Sure, they’ll all become household names, but I’m the Courtney Cox to this cast of Friends.

Why these women? Because these women remind me that I am already a Super Mom. That even without a cape, I’m doing alright. They do this by being real. And being funny. By teaching their children right from wrong. By not apologizing for letting their kids watch a little too much Dora, or for not negotiating with terrorists, er, I mean three year olds. By valuing their health and fitness, but not at the cost of their sanity. So while we will certainly be clad in Lycra and Spandex and have rock hard abs and beautiful hair, don’t think Cameron Diez or Jennifer Garner. Think Kate Winslet. Beyonce. Jennifer Lopez. Because let’s face it, waifs can’t pack kicks to the head like real women can.

To clarify, this idea sprung up last week. I was ticked about something and had an Allie McBeal/John Dorian fantasy in which I was a Superhero. I was in thigh high stiletto boots, a dark purple (so dark it looked black) patent leather unitard, a flowing black cape with a high collar, elbow length gloves, had purple hair and I was kicking ass.

Then, between poopy diapers, I revisited the fantasy. This time, there were 5 of us. And we were strutting towards the camera in a V, long locks flowing, a la Reservoir Dogs or the Right Stuff, with the song "Sexy Chick" by David Guetta and Akon rocking in the background. Folks-- We. Were. Bad. Ass. There really is no other way to describe it.

It was right then and there that any and all previous aspirations to be a princess became anathema. I want to be a Superhero.

It was also at this point that my facebook status became: Has found herself fantasizing about being a super hero a la "Hit girl" with sidekicks: the Donovan women of TX, Angie K of NC, and Law Momma of GA. And we all have rock hard abs, long flowy hair, and a soundtrack featuring the Black Eyed Peas and David Guetta. It goes without saying that we are a force to be reckoned with...

27 facebook comments later…I think we may be on to something.

But for brevity’s sake (like that’s ever mattered here!) here is a rundown of the Supers. Also, since we’re all Mom’s in our “normal” lives, it goes without saying we all have eyes in the backs of our heads. Duh. And we can conquer whining with the blink of an eye. And each of our powers is derived from our strengths in real life as well. Once again, duh.

Me—The Hammer. I’ve blatantly stolen this name from my brother. It’s what his kids jokingly call him. As in, “Hey, little sister, you better give me back my toy or I’m gonna go tell the Hammer.” So emblazoned across my cape and belt buckle is a silver hammer. My power? Superhuman strength. (It occurs to me as I type this; I am not unlike the Hulk. I’m pretty sure Sloan would agree with this.) My signature move (for the video game) is a swift roundhouse kick followed by my right fist slamming down like a hammer. Most likely causing sidewalks to ripple. I also carry with me my mighty pen. Which is really like Harold’s purple crayon. Should the Supermoms need a flying car, I simply draw us one.

Mollie—Freeze Frame. Mollie, whom I first met at camp a billion years ago and has ever since been one of my nearest and dearest friends, is a mom to three beautiful girls and also is a professional photographer. Her costume is orange, red, and hot pink. Orange because she loves it, and the other colors because I don’t want her looking like a Halloween character or a Virginia Tech fan. But her suit is orange, her boots and cape pink, her mask, belt, and weaponry red. Her power? With her camera, she can stop time. This also means she can teleport. Pretty. Wicked. Awesome. On facebook, Mollie commented, “In one episode I'd like to finish our work by 5 and stand stirring hot dinner at the stove when my husband arrives home, starts to complain about his 'hard day' then I can turn and give the camera a knowing wink and slight eye roll.” This is what I’m talking about, people.

Erin—simply E. (Like Ian Fleming’s M.) Erin is Mollie’s big sister. She is mother to two beautiful twin girls and can craft and sew like nobody’s business. Therefore, obviously, E’s superpower is her gadgetry. She has armbands, which to the unsuspecting eye, simply look like those pin cushions seamstresses wear on their wrists. But be warned, they shoot missiles. And she can throw her sewing needles with deadly accuracy and can even wrap up villains with her needles and thread. Her suit is Baylor Green, her boots, belt, and cape—Baylor Gold (obviously). Randomly, E also is an excellent archer.

Angie—Lady America. Angie and I went to high school together. And Carolina, where we both were in the Honors Creative Writing program. She is a recovering attorney and mom to 4 year old boy and girl twins. Angie told us on facebook that she has a penetrating stank-eye that can subdue any toddler. Or super villain. She also wrote that she “will be brandishing a magic whip, that, when cracked, snaps all clutter and errant toys back to their proper places and simultaneously de-germs whole houses.” This magic whip also de-arms super villains, allows her to swing from high places, and just looks super awesome strapped to her Wonder Woman-esque costume. She even has a golden tiara and a star and sequin studded bustier, which complement her golden hot pants nicely.

Law Momma—Justice. Law Momma and I grew up and also were Debutantes together. If you know Law Momma and me, the fact that we were Debutantes should make you laugh. But let it be known, we laughed and got in trouble. A lot. And made the wrong people pissed at all the right times. Law Momma is also an attorney and mom to a toddler boy. Law Momma would prefer to not have a cape. She writes, “No capes! Do you remember Thunderhead??! NOVEMBER 15th of 58!” No worries. Justice’s costume is modeled after the Grecian statue of justice. With a dash of Lady Liberty thrown in. She has a pointed crown made of pure platinum which she can hurl with deadly accuracy. Her spandex minidress is sage green with silver and white accents. She has thigh high white boots. What at first may appear to be the scales of justice is really a giant Ninja sword. And she’s been trained in Krav Maga by Mossad. And the scariest part? She doesn’t have a mask. She has a blindfold. As in, she kicks butt blindfolded. (But in a way that is much scarier than that lamo Ben Affleck movie). On facebook, she asked, “Can I end all our episodes by banging a gavel on the head of whoever we beat down and say "Justice served YOU, bitch!" Perhaps not every episode, but definitely several.

Angie pointed out that we may need Superhero daycare. At first, I suggested that we all have pool boys who double as mannies. But I really want us to be Super Moms, not Super sluts. (Thigh boots notwithstanding.) That is why I have added an additional character. We have a boss. Really more of a mentor and coach, who sends us on missions and watches our children for us. Who is this Charlie-esque boss? None other than the original Super Mom: Phylicia Rashad. That’s right—Claire Huxtable is our wrangler.

It should be noted that Sloan is a little frightened by how much thought I’ve given this. And I will confess that it has not slipped my mind that a vast majority of this planning was done while I was still hepped up on painkillers from the great fall of 2011. But seriously, when your facebook status warrants 27 comments, how can I not blog about it?