We are the people of Walmart...

You may have heard of the People of Walmart website.  It showcases some of the great unwashed that invariably shop at Walmart on a daily basis.  Today, the Phillips family deserved to enter its ranks...

For starters, at Christmastime, our local Walmart has a Salvation Army bell ringer.  But ours is no surly Santa.  We get the A-team of SA bell-ringers: the horn players.  Sometimes it is a trumpeter, sometimes a French hornist, today it was an Irish Tuba Player.  (The musician being Irish, not sure what type of Tuba it was.)  Well, we always let Henry put a coin in the bucket.  He thinks this is loads of fun.  It also sparked the following real conversation...

Henry:  Why you playing music?
Musician:  To celebrate Christmas.
Henry:  Like Swoder?  (Can you tell we've been watching A Charlie Brown Christmas?)
Me:  He is playing music for Jesus' birthday.
Henry:  Oh.  We having a birtday party for Jesus at my house.  We decowated a a tree and put bows on my house. 
Musician:  That sounds lovely.
Henry:  YES!  JESUS IS COMING TO MY HOUSE AND SANTA IS BRINGING HIM PRESENTS!!!  (The stuff he comes up with still surprises me.)
Musician: Oh, great.  Do you have a favorite Christmas song you want me to play for Jesus?
Henry:  How 'bout* Happy Birtday?
Musician (laughing): Well, it is Jesus' birthday, but that's really not a Christmas song.  Do you like Joy to the World?
Henry:  Yes.  Joy.  Mommy sing it with him.

And so THAT is how it came to be that I stood in front of our local Walmart singing Joy to the World while my children danced around a man playing a tuba.  Bonus points for me for not having bathed today and still singing in public. 

But before you sigh and say "Awww" at my wonderful love for my son, let me recount the way we left Walmart.

As we were checking out, Henry told me he needed to go potty.  I told him to hold it, that we were almost through.  (Literally, my wallet was already out.)  I was making sure I had my gift cards put away that I'd purchased for his teachers when suddenly I could not find him.  I was frantic.  I began yelling, "Henry, Henry, where are you?"  expecting to hear him yell, "I right here, Mommy!" 

Nothing.  Also, let it be stated that no one in Walmart seemed to care that I'd lost my child.

I asked the cashier if she'd seen my little boy.  She said, "I think he went into the bathroom."  So I grabbed Gracie from the cart and ran to the bathrooms.  As I neared, I again yelled his name. 

Coming from the men's bathroom, I heard, "I right here, Mommy.  I go pee pee standing up!  I pee pee standing up!"  (We've just recently made the transition from sitting to standing, so this is a BIG deal for him. For those of you with only daughters, see what you miss?)

Then my son waddled like a penguin out from the men's room with his Wall-E undies and pants around his ankles, dragging his coat on the floor behind him.  That's right, my son was nekkid from the waist down at Walmart.

Part of me was happy that my son took initiative and went to the potty by himself.**  He hasn't even done this at home before.  It's always, "Mommy, I need to go potty.  Help me with my pants.  Help me with the seat..."  But a larger part was horrified by the fact that my 3 year old son was alone. In the public restroom. At Walmart.  And then was half-naked. In Walmart. 

It also occurred to me that I can in no way guarantee that my son actually peed in the proper urine receptical.  Most likely, he peed on the floor. 

But, he did it while standing up!



*"How 'bout" is Henry's new phrase that pays.  As in, "How 'bout you give me chocolate milk?", or "How 'bout we play for five more minutes?", or my personal favorite, "How 'bout...no."

**Yes.  I chastized him for going to the bathroom in a public place alone.  I told him that he was too cute to be by himself in a potty that wasn't at home or school.  That someone might take him from us and that would make me sad.  I also told him it was against the rules to leave my side when we are running errands and that if he ever went to the potty in public without me or Daddy or an adult he knows, he would be punished.  And yes, I did this all while refraining from laughing as the thought of him waddling into Walmart after peeing on the floor played in my mind.  Once again, bonus points for Mommy.