There are many reasons I've been slack about updating the blog as of late. For starters, our computer is slowly dying and it is a bear and a half just to check email much less update the blog. I am supposed to have the new computer by March 1 and I am counting down the days and rearranging the furniture in the office/living room. (No, not a requirement. But I tend to rearrange furniture when life gets hairy. I suppose on some level I believe that furniture placement is the source of my problems. Probably something deeper going on there, but I really don't have the brainpower to parse that out right now.)
Secondly, I've been working on some artwork for Gracie's room. It is now completed and at some point I'll post a picture of it. It's working title is "How Tweet the Sound." And yes, it is a collage of a birdy.
But mostly, it has been because my children have slowly been driving me crazy. Last week I cried because I realized that at some point, Gracie will be 2 and this knowledge overwhelmed me. Yes, I have a bit of time before this happens. And right now I'm mainly praying that Gracie doesn't outgrow her infant carrier prior to being able to sit up.
You see, we're still dealing with the biting. And I've been mostly silent about this because mentally I'm so over talking about it. I get it. He shouldn't bite. But what is a molehill to me is a mountain to others. Yes, it is a bad thing. Yes, we are talking with him about it and let it be known that Thomas does not like to play with biters and this may be the ticket to no biting. (Thomas is British and despite being known for messed up teeth, the British are known for their manners. So it is with much sadness that Thomas gets put away--and I mean all 100 trains, Lego trains, Thomas books and movies--and stored in grocery bags for the entire day a biting occurs.) But as Moms have approached me in an effort to be an advocate for their children, I've pretty much said little. But I feel now it is appropriate to be an advocate for my son. Guess what? He is two. Almost three. Big shock he has issues with self-control. He gets this from his mother, who at 32 has issues with self-control. I literally had to give up saying "That's what she said" and "Your mom" jokes for lent and it is about to kill me. (Of course, it doesn't help to have a husband who attempts to set me up.) I don't mean to downplay his errant behavior, but really, do you need to talk about it with your friends and say things like, "Well, you really need to get control of his behavior. None of my kids were biters because we told them it was wrong." "Maybe you shouldn't put him in Sunday School for awhile." Or my favorite, "He really is an agressive boy. Perhaps you should work on helping him to be more passive."
Nope. Not going to do it. Henry is a boy and the world has enough passive men in it already. Sure, he needs to learn to share and be selfless, but unless he develops a sense of self prior to these lessons, he will be a pushover. I do not think that the fact that Henry bit your kid is a sign of a greater problem lying ahead. It shows nothing about his character at large. Moreover, I understand you take issue with my parenting. Join the club. I take issue with it. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just loving him and disciplining him and trying to show him that, indeed, he needs a Savior just like Mommy. And to suggest that I remove him from Sunday School is also problematic for me. If church isn't a place for sinners, where is? Perhaps my son's bite on your child's arm is an opportunity for you to speak with your kid about compassion and the need to pray for our friends who struggle.
So yeah, I'm a failure of a Mom. And while you are 'advocating' for your child, let me simply ask that the next time you want to talk about this, you speak to my Advocate. His name is Jesus and He's already paid for both my child's and my sins.
I'm cutting the kid some slack. Apparently he is so under stress from Gracie joining the family that he is now suffering from his 5th canker sore. His mouth has been bleeding since January. We went to the Dentist yesterday (my dad) and we now have meds and special mouthwash. Not so sure about the Magic Mouthwash as we haven't gotten the idea of swishing down. And I'm not completely convinced that the two mouth issues aren't related.
On a lighter note, Henry graduated from Speech therapy on Friday. He was retested and no longer has ANY developmental delays. To be more accurate, the child will not shut up. All we hear about is Thomas, Lighting McQueen, Baby Gwacie, and the boo-boo in his mouth.
But to the mothers of the kids in his Sunday School class, I will have you know that not only did Henry make it all 2 1/2 hours of his class today during my Bible Study without biting someone--he also won the obedience game. (A game that's description sounded a lot like Freeze tag.) That's right, Henry is the obedience champ. Chew on that.
6 comments:
Ok -I've let it go without putting in my 2 cents about Henry biting. Here is the run down on why children bite. Now, before I commence my soap box, I feel like I must say that do have some knowledge on the area having a Masters in Early Childhood Development and 15+ years working with little ones. I've done this very subject presenting it at NAEYC training so here's the skinny - poor Henry; he's not aggressive, or any of the above so relax Mom and forget the other Mom's.
Ok, most children bite because they are not able to communicate what it is they want from other children. Its VERY COMMON; they become easily frustrated because of this. Look at it as cause and effect. You have something I want and if I bite you, then you drop it and I get what I want. Rather than, so in so, can I play with that toy or will you share your toy with me or may I have a turn? Henry doesn't go and take a chunk out of someone because he wants to. There is a reason for it. Most often if you ask the caregivers, their response is "I don't know what happened, they were playing just fine"...
Now this is not just a child's issue. Staff need to be a bit more vigilant in their supervision. A lot of times a good staff person will catch it before it happens; lots of body language and dialog happens before a biting incident.
If you are interested in a bit more, check out Bev Boss; she ROCKS in my book!
Don't be too hard on Henry - he knows what he is doing is not ok; continue to help him develop the communication skills he needs and try to just be calm as this too shall pass.
On a side note - Henry has had a BIG change with his new sister. It is not uncommon for children to express regressive behavior as a result.
Take care Elizabeth - you are a wonderful mother. Blessings -
Wow. Just wow. What is wrong with people? It's my feeling that kids are just hard-wired to be hitters, kickers, screamers, or biters. Seriously, two year olds have almost no self-control and lack the ability to verbally express emotions. I would totally send my daughter to Sunday School with Henry.
We had a time of it being two, too. The day Ellie turned three was a BIG celebration day. It's a hard age. Thakfully most of us can't remember it.
Love it! Sounds like the Sunday school moms need to listen to the sermons a little more closely - judging others and the like. Thomas once bit his best friend at school - they were playing alligator. Sometimes things are done with harm in mind. What two year old boy hasn't bitten or done something aggressive when they are angry?
I stumbled upon your blog this morning and have been thoroughly enjoying your words. I wanted to share a bit about the "biting" incidents with your son. I have 4 children and the last are twins. One of the twins crawled up to another child in the church nursery (crawled, meaning she was all of 7-8 mos. of age) and bit her nose. My precious, sweet daughter did this to the daughter of an attorney! Yikes! Did I mention that my husband is the pastor of the church with the nursery where my daughter bit the lawyer's kid? From there, I noticed that she would bite her twin for no real reason when we were strolling them in the side by side stroller. Oh dear. It was more than I could manage. I tried several remedies and even considered getting a stroller with front and rear seating. This was 14 years ago. Now, the lawyer's daughter and my daughter are great friends. Her twin has no permanent damage, physically or mentally, from the bites of her sister. It all passed in due time and my daughter is one of the sweetest, most compassionate young women I have ever met.
Take heart and keep hope. My go to phrase may help. "This to shall pass". Blessings, Lisa
awesome! i couldn't agree more. he's not going to bite people forever. geez he's a boy! my brother was the 4th after 3 girls, and my mom had no clue what to do with him. he was a wild boy. his teachers in elementary school would always complain to my mom, and she chose to ignore them. he is now 28 and has a masters degree.
Amen, sister! First of all, I was a biter (big shock, right?!), and not just of children. Apparently my mom used to tell adults who wanted to pick me up that it wasn't advised since I usually bit strangers. Anyway, I think I turned out okay and have even a little too much self-control. You're doing all the right things (i.e. being a GOOD mother) and it will eventually pass. And, for the record, my doctor told my mom I bit because I was frequently sick and it was my way of expressing my frustration with pain and discomfort (even when I could talk about it). In other words, I wasn't a "bad" or "aggressive" child and neither is H. He's just 2, with a new baby sister and a previously broken arm and some ouchies in his mouth. This would be enough to make a few grown-ups bite, too! You are absolutely doing right by him in my humble opinion. And, "yay" for both of you that he's now the little chatterbox we all expected! Love you and miss you!
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